


Physical Logistics of a Carnal Kind

by freyjawriter24



Series: Writing prompts and challenges [9]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Funny, M/M, Sex Position Poker, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:01:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26843302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freyjawriter24/pseuds/freyjawriter24
Summary: It had started off innocently enough.Well, maybe that was a slight exaggeration. Depends on your definition of ‘innocent’.***A silly little fic written for the GO Events server's NTA Round 8: Sex Position Poker. The challenge required a fic to be 500 words or fewer, and was based on a card randomly dealt from a deck of sex position playing cards.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Writing prompts and challenges [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1805341
Comments: 19
Kudos: 34
Collections: NTA #8 - Is This Your Card?





	Physical Logistics of a Carnal Kind

**Author's Note:**

> You can see the card this was based on here: [Ten of Diamonds: The Bottom Feeder](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ASn9H-AXh1C2xGy6kdNapKDXEX7lSyyi/view?usp=sharing).
> 
> My first M fic, mostly for the description of the above position, but not particularly graphic at all.

“Watch out! Don’t just –”

“Careful, Crowley!”

“Angel, you’re not meant to – hey, lemme get my arms out...”

“Oof! Really, my dear, you should be more careful with those elbows. You could take an eye out with them.”

“Your eyes are nowhere near my elbows!”

This was not how Crowley had expected to be spending his Sunday afternoon. Or any afternoon, really. Or even any time of day, to be quite honest.

He was pleased that Aziraphale felt sufficiently comfortable to be trying this together, though. That felt nice.

Oddly, he couldn’t really say the same for the position they were currently in.

* * *

It had started off innocently enough.

Well, maybe that was a slight exaggeration. Depends on your definition of ‘innocent’. It was, after all, a conversation about sex, and there’s very little in that department that most humans would classify as ‘innocent’.

“It does intrigue me, on a certain level, what they seem to get out of it all.”

“What, apart from the, uh. You know. Physical pleasure?”

“Well yes, apart from that. And the obvious procreative benefits.” Aziraphale had paused then, forehead wrinkled in confusion. “I just mean, what on Earth are either of them getting out of _that_?”

He had turned the computer screen towards Crowley, and even the demon had hesitated and looked at it sideways before answering.

“Uhhh... Maybe it’s, um. Well, yngh...” He tilted his head the other way, trying to get a better angle. “Yeah, I’ve got nothing.”

“Wouldn’t be very kind to my knees,” Aziraphale mused quietly. “And goodness knows why your legs are supposed to be straight up in the air like that.”

The demon blue-screened, and it took a second for him to recover. “Wait, hang on, you’ve decided which of them is us?”

Aziraphale did look a little flustered. Not nearly enough, though, in Crowley’s book.

“Well, I simply thought the man in the diagram seemed... long-limbed, like you. And, well. They just reminded me of us.”

“The humans. In the sex position diagram. Reminded you... of _us_?”

“Well, when you put it like that, it does seem rather ridiculous. I was merely trying to understand the physical logistics of such a scenario, and since you wouldn’t actually be interested in _doing_ that with me, it was best accomplished by imagining us in the configuration.”

It took Crowley a little longer to recover from that particular wording. But in the end, somehow, he’d ended up agreeing to try it out. In the middle of the bookshop.

* * *

“No, don’t _sit_ –”

“And then I put my hand here?”

“Nghh grrff mmh!”

“Oh! Sorry, my dear. How’s that?”

“Brilliant. Yep. Perfect.” The demon sighed, staring up at the large expanse of Aziraphale’s trousers above him. “Well, we did it. And I still have no bloody idea why they enjoy it.”

The angel rolled sideways off Crowley and sat up, straightening his bow tie. “You know,” he said thoughtfully. “Maybe it would work better if we weren’t wearing clothes.”

Crowley passed out.


End file.
